I am young. I know this. I knew it at 16, when my grandparents couldn't believe how fast I'd grown up. I knew that I would one day say the same thing of some young person. I was never naive enough to think I wouldn't one day be a grandparent as well, or a great aunt, and have those same thoughts. I didn't know how it would feel, to see a baby I could remember stuffing cake into her mouth at her 2-year old birthday party suddenly almost graduating from high school, but I knew enough to know that someday I would feel it.
I knew it at 25 when my insurance rate went down and I suddenly felt like an adult with responsibility, wise and with a car. I knew this was lie and I was actually still young and when someone, a co-worker maybe, 50 years old, told me, "You're still just a kid!" And they were right. I knew they were. I was young, but 50 wasn't old. Fifty was just later. 80 was old.
Now I am 42 and I know that I am still young. I know that I am almost the people I thought were middle aged when I had my first child at 30. I am almost middle age. Might be except Middle Age is now older than 42. But the 81 year old scoffs. "You're so young!" And now, 81 doesn't seem old. 91 maybe...
And I will know when I'm 92, even while I am that daffy old lady relegated to the comfy chair in the corner, thankful to not to have to pay attention so closely and left to doze off if I want, I will know that in my heart and mind I'm really only 60. 92 is the new 60.
Even this, my vision of my 92 year old life, proves that I am young. Only the young would assume that there is time to rest on the horizon. For at each age, do we not find that there is always something more to do? Some other cause to put our efforts to? We are never dozy. Tired from exams, yes. Exhausted with a new baby, yes. Fed up and frustrated with those we think should act according to their age, position and status--yes. But to just wander off in a dream? No one but the young think this frivolity is what is waiting in the land of Getting Older.
Even this, my vision of my 92 year old life, proves that I am young. Only the young would assume that there is time to rest on the horizon. For at each age, do we not find that there is always something more to do? Some other cause to put our efforts to? We are never dozy. Tired from exams, yes. Exhausted with a new baby, yes. Fed up and frustrated with those we think should act according to their age, position and status--yes. But to just wander off in a dream? No one but the young think this frivolity is what is waiting in the land of Getting Older.
Paying rent terrified me when I first had to. It terrified me that I would need to come up with and pay $400 a month for a place to live. How was that accomplished? How did adults garner such sums? I was young. I didn't realize that saving money is not the same as making it. Squirreling away birthday checks and chore money, babysitting fees over a period of months does not compare with a job and earning potential. Rent represented a leap of faith in a world I had not experienced but was expected to assimilate into. And it happened; I did it. I worked 40 hours; I paid $400 dollars. And more. Because there are other adult things like the price of gas per gallon and soup on sale.
Parenthood is exciting. I was not scared about being a parent, just hopeful that I could be consistently as kind and inspiring in reality as I envisioned myself to be when imagining imparting advice and guidance to my little ones. Paying rent prepared me I guess. Or Life keeps happening, whether you pay the rent or not. If the baby is on the way, it will be here whether you are prepared or not. I am young, but I know these things. I know I don't completely understand them. But even in this there is wisdom: be open-hearted; be willing. In this there is a kernel of what we always know, even before we learn it. I cling to the kernel, try to remember that I know it, that I can recall it when I need to, whatever my age. I am young; be young with me.
Parenthood is exciting. I was not scared about being a parent, just hopeful that I could be consistently as kind and inspiring in reality as I envisioned myself to be when imagining imparting advice and guidance to my little ones. Paying rent prepared me I guess. Or Life keeps happening, whether you pay the rent or not. If the baby is on the way, it will be here whether you are prepared or not. I am young, but I know these things. I know I don't completely understand them. But even in this there is wisdom: be open-hearted; be willing. In this there is a kernel of what we always know, even before we learn it. I cling to the kernel, try to remember that I know it, that I can recall it when I need to, whatever my age. I am young; be young with me.
