Soiled Undies or Suckling Pig

You know the old adage, always have on clean underwear in case you are in an accident.  For what? It's always a mother or grandmother in my head who says this.  Maybe that's who started it, some old wives.  Maybe it's a throw back from the 50's.  And would it really matter going in what they looked like?  For various reasons, they might not be clean post-accident, pre-medical attention.
I had a different kind of image run through my mind recently, maybe creating a new adage: Don't be a suckling pig!

I have an apple at my desk and I've been thinking, "Hey, I could eat that on the way home."  I normally bring a bottle of water to drink in the car--in my better moments--a nice way to stay hydrated with real liquid instead of caffeinated substitutes. I find I drink more if I have it in the car.  Driving is a miraculous way to do things by rote.  There's not enough to do apparently, having both hands on the wheel, using a turn signal, checking your blind spot.  Throw another little task in there.  For those times when you're just sitting there, bored.
I have the water.  But I could eat an apple too.  Like on the days when I forget to refill the bottle and bring it.  Or in corroboration with the water like some healthy commute coup.  The idea of  having something to do, to sing around, to fiddle with more than just the quick sip, was appealing.  Like I said, make it more complicated.  So I took the apple in the car with me and started eating at a stoplight.

And then I got to thinking, forget the underwear.  What happens if I have an accident and they find me with an apple stuffed in my mouth?  Like a roast pig?  Splayed out and maybe bruised, maybe a little crispy from frostbite, (being the time of year for it,) or from crash burns, giving me the overall coloring of something slightly cooked, apple in my mouth, like a suckling pig, eyes wide and staring.  What then?  What kind of picture would that make?  Much worse than soiled undies I think.  Soiled undies vs. suckling pig.  Hard to say.
If in your travels as a good Samaritan if you come across someone knocked out and looking ripe for the spit, know that you probably got the better of the two. And I thank you.